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Don't Look at Me (Magic Isn't Real)

from Anhedonia by Harborer

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about

i wrote this song as a really really really long poem with no music in mind whatsoever, except that i wanted there to be two long guitar solos where there are now, indeed, two long guitar solos. the first verse with me being really close to the mic and the acoustic guitar was written in probably 5 minutes or less. the perfect lines just kept coming to me and coming to me and it's probably my favorite writing i've done either on this album or just in general. it's about everything that has/is/will be plagued/plaguing my mind.

all the dont/please look at mes and the PLEASE DO DONT DO DO DONT DONT DO DONT and the YOURE NOT TRYING THAT HARD IM TRYING SO HARD IM NOT TRYING THAT HARD are definitely me trying to let my indecisiveness/uncomfortableness with my situation out in a song.

i sure was sitting on a papasan at 1:14 when writing this, and i sure was reading about bbqs and weird things they did to rats for science. it may have been CRISPR or something, i can't really remember.

no shade to furries. i know it sounds like i'm knockin yall but you just keep doin what you're doing. i know i'm way more cringy than you guys could ever be, even if you do perplex me so much that i write about it in an 11 minute long song. keep fighting the good fight.

lyrics

i sat down and turned on my phone like usual
and i came to the conclusion that i was not loved
the signs were all there but i was too naive
and hoped for some mercy from up above
but when i waited months and months and nothing came
my belief started a steady decline
and the sound of the tv overpowered the air
and that light in my head ceased to shine
everyone else seemed so oblivious
but that just made me more paranoid
it's all an act, that's what i told myself
so then i consciously began to avoid
the very people that told me anything was possible
that i'd go far and they would buy my sound
but i waited months and months and nothing came
and i was too scared to ask around
i guess it's a good thing because they inspired me to write this
even though i need to lie to them now
but that's what i've been put through all my life
and this is my karma somehow
and i walk on the road, look at the grass on the sides
somewhere in the world it's just about the time
to think about things and promptly gather my mind
because it's about the sudden stop, it's not about the decline

don't look at me i'm not ready
don't talk to me i might break
don't say anything it hurts me
don't do anything that would take effort

please look at me i'm trying so hard
please talk to me i'm in need
please say something i'm going crazy
please do something it's not me

it's not me, that's not you
who is who, i'm so confused
i look in the mirror and the glass looks back
my sight is broken in this static attack
please don't leave me here
please don't not invite me
even if i can't come i'd appreciate it
please don't don't please please do don't

i'm sitting on the couch and it's 1:14
maybe this is one of my turns it seems
the wall seems to be closing on me
my virtual friends would probably agree
sitting here reading mindless shit about barbeques
and feeding drugs to different rodents for science
maybe i should have went the path 1st grade me used
with that microscope and lab coat and the brain that i had

had is the word that i'm focusing on
remember the friends the friends that i had
maybe i rely on people too much and too much is bad
and that's a factor in why i'm always sad
i'm rhyming like a damn troglodyte
maybe i shouldn't rhyme the words at all
maybe i just shouldn't talk at all
but that was a rhyme, but that doesn't really count

don't look at me i'm not ready
don't talk to me i might break
don't say anything it hurts me
don't do anything that would take effort

please look at me i'm trying so hard
please talk to me i'm in need
please say something i'm going crazy
please do something it's not me

please do something.
anything.
please.

i said the magic word and nothing happened
i said the magic word and nothing happened
i said the magic word and nothing happened
i said the magic word and nothing happened
magic isn't real
i'm not real
you're not real
i'm trying to be real
i'm not trying that hard though
i'm trying so hard though
you're not trying at all though
i'm not trying at all though

i don't understand why people want to be animals
it seems like a childish thing to do
but i just remembered i'm writing a song about my sadness
so that probably beats it out by a little
it's right at this moment i see how pathetic this is
and how pathetic you are and how pathetic i am
and i'm being such an annoying teenager holy shit

go read a book you idiot

i used to think being self aware was cool and funny but in reality it's really taxing
to hear a grown man or a small boy talk about how he's not smart but he is
it's not ironic or entertaining
different strokes for different folks
coherency is out the window
mindless rants oh yeah!!!

you can go to school today and you can get a job later
you can punch into your job and you can go to the movies later
you can go see a movie and you can think about life later
you can think of anything you want hopefully never later

please look at me i've stopped trying
please talk to me or don't if you don't want
please say something i'll be here if you do
i'll always be here except when i'm
not

but when am i ever not

credits

from Anhedonia, released February 22, 2019
ben coates - everything

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about

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Harborer Canton, Ohio

always experimenting.

from a basement in canton, ohio.

for updates on things follow @hrbrer on instagram aka click that link below

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