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I spent some time at a place that was very isolated. It gave me a lot of time to think. This is a letter to him concerning how he was doing. He didn’t speak for about a month and leading up to his death he hadn’t eaten in 11 days. You never want to see anyone go through that. I can’t even describe it. When you die your age remains the same forever and mortality isn’t immortal. He "was" this age instead of he "is" this age.


Throw it back in the water
I have no use for it
Discard it
Our hands are dirty
They won’t wash in the sink
Age and mortality coexist but only one is immortal
How sore is your throat
You haven’t spoken in 3 weeks
How is your hunger
You haven’t eaten in 11 days
I was afraid to go to school and returning to see you dead
I didn’t want to age 30 years in an instant
Dear you
I’ve come to write this letter
Because when I have something to say I lose my voice


from Look at My Van Gogh, released May 16, 2020
matt ryan - vocals, sampling
ben coates - mixing, mastering, sound effects


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Harborer Canton, Ohio

always experimenting.

from a basement in canton, ohio.

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