Anhedonia

by Harborer

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Midnight Medics
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Midnight Medics The writing on this thing blew muh damn mind. Every track has tons to unpack from and I genuinely didn't want this album to end. I'ma be pumping to this thing for a long while. Favorite track: Weasel.
Ashton Fisher
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Ashton Fisher This album is PHENOMENAL. At only 15 putting out a full length high quality album that is both relatable and vicarious. So glad to have listened to this album. Favorite track: All Of Me, None For You.
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1.
It's No Deal 08:16
i am in a bottle and i am being drank by the minute i worship nothing and i fade away every second we sink even lower as i come to a halt what a beautiful day i wish i could remember it maybe it's true maybe it's through maybe it's done it's no deal i slip through the crack and i ooze out of the grate i wash away slowly down the dirty river we are nothing but you are more than me i mix with shit as i slip away even farther and maybe it's true maybe it's through maybe we're done it's no deal and you say that i've got so far to go but how do you have the strength to know? and they say that they're coming to my show but i see no one in the many rows maybe it's true maybe i'm through maybe i'm done it's no deal
2.
it’s been a lousy day i was supposed to do something fun but transportation was out so i guess neither was i i stayed home and talked to myself twiddling my thumbs and rearranging my shelf over and over in every order but meaningless nothings could not cure my boredom i replace my mental voice with yours i did not mean to and i think it just happened the ghost of you lingers in my head i listened to the ghost voice and it said what are you gonna do it’s all of me but none for you what are you gonna do if i can’t see you through i said “that is a great chorus” i should write that down hopefully you’ll hear it sometime without looking around wondering where that voice came from like me sometimes and you’ll sit on your bed and silently cry with an exclamation of whats and whys and with your hopes and dreams dropping like flies you won’t know where you are i won’t know where you are you could give me what i wanted i could give you what you deserve you could help me where i needed i could support you being heard i don’t know where exactly you fall on my spectrum of love and hate no more talk about the old days it’s time for something greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat i sat on my nowhere and read nothing my eyes scanned that nothing and my brain converted it to you so don’t you tell me that i value you as little as you think because you don’t think but you know that is lesser than true so i sat on my nowhere and contemplated a year down the road this song will disappoint me (or maybe a week) i will think how stupid i was and how could i ever think that but for now i’ll sit on my nowhere with no company so i called you on the videophone you said you seem to be smiling i looked at you and it seemed you were trying --- not to scream she-you said “don’t get ahead of yourself” but i’m ahead of my head anyways it’s in the clouds and i’m on mars already so find yourself a seat and i’ll tell you a tale about how i’ve got an endless supply but i don’t supply that well i’ll tell you about the countless dreams i’ve had and how dumb i find the rage over that nike ad i’ll tell you how i think balloon boy’s dad was right and how i once broke my basement light and you listened to me ramble about all of that i wasted all my stories just for you to say what are you gonna do it’s all of me but none for you what are you gonna do if i can’t see you through what are you gonna do please don’t continue what am i gonna do without you
3.
Weasel 11:13
im lying in my bed trying to figure out how i feel it's hard to tell when i know it's not real but in time I'll see as i always do as usual im shaking my head at the man upstairs its funny he says that he truly cares drink yourself to death ill catch up soon but until then ill be through im crazy for contact my eyes are glued to screens its too bad that man has no clue what i mean but in time he'll realise when he dies things aren't what they seem you sit on the laptop 10 hours a day waving your dick in the wind but thats okay sit on the floor and watch espn while my life comes to an end keep talking and talking like a movie star if you do it enough you might get the part i hope you do so you go away then there may be brighter days my apologies were never real not that you're aware if you knew how i truly feel you wouldn't stay there waiting for you to say you're traveling afar oh that would be the day and i hope you are but ill keep it in my head in my bank of fantasies along with the horrible ones with you on your knees on the floor whichever first i hope it hurts too much -ooh interlude- in the bar on jam night illuminated by a phone light i keep to myself as id usually like you interrupt my headspace with words of grace such as a punch in the face my brain runs through scenarios that you'd be fond of probably not too my body is a disguise you can see it through my eyes im just waiting for the perfect time -ooh interlude- you have such a vocabulary im so very impressed once you've said the first word i've heard all the rest but i still listen and try not to respond but sometimes i really want to ************* and im so sick about it i just wish you would fade out from my way preferably today id be fine without you what else could i say you make it seem like its a real fright but i know its a lie it couldn't be anything else i just want to knock your book off my shelf i just wish you would try to be a real human sometimes or you could do the other thing that rhymes -ooh interlude- dear god... and ill end this song with a little parting verse actually i dont know what to say
4.
The Paper 03:19
the paper sits in the driveway on top of all the others and i’m sitting on top of my world the blonde haired man sits on the television scaring all the mothers all the while my reality unfurls do you really think that i could be there when i’m not anywhere at all i am so sick of distractions they’re pushing me off to fall but don’t think about it i won’t sell myself so i can hide what you’re really worth i’d rather slowly jog a couple laps around the earth what happened to chivalry? the man told me it’s dead i asked what’s gonna happen to you and me? this is what he said i’m lying he said nothing of value he just told me to invest in his startup i’ve heard about all these pyramid schemes this one i didn’t know i was part of my heaven consists of (guitar screeching) and nothing more nothing less i don’t know what your heaven looks like but i bet the i could guess i was flipping around on the TV and i saw in the guide “ghostbusters” i swear i’m not misogynistic but when i saw (2016) in the info box i slightly wept and i said do you really think i could fall out of love with you i don’t really think you understand what my mind goes through but don’t think about it i won’t jump in the water so you can help me float it seems selfish of me to expect you as my boat the winners and losers in the world seem to be just fine but i’m just sitting here trying not to lose my mind
5.
wwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhPPP wwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhPPP wwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh wwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh wwwwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaahhh wwwwwwwooooooooohhhhhhhh wwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh wwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeoooooohhhhhh wwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh wwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh BIP
6.
city girl you ruined my mind i wish i was told it was a waste of time city girl you ruined my head it was a long while i wished i was dead really girl its the same as before and im sure you'd do it again what can i do where can i go how can i sleep how can i dream hippie girl its truly a shame for you i think i take the blame sadly girl it would've been nice i still think about it even these nights really girl im sorry for it all but maybe girl its not all my fault what can i do where can i go how can i sleep how can i dream sorry girl but its just how it is there must be more to life than this city girl you ruined my mind really girl you wasted my time hippie girl its quite a sad sight all the world would tell me im right what can i do where can i go how can i sleep how can i dream
7.
drag out the deceased on a regular basis pain and hell stuck on their faces we laugh and cry and does it really mean anything? i want to say something but no one believes it's like everyone’s sucked in the leaves of a fallen tree of nothings that no one ever knows the men stand up and they challenge me but i am them as they are we and you and me we everyone seems to know it all just stick to your guns stick them down in the sand as you hear the cheers of the boat band without a friend just stick to your guns make sure you’re free on doomsday because you and me are meaningless you and me meaningless oh lord sliding down the slopes of selfish pride don’t remember the last time you went outside but you’re seriously pondering why your depression is worse baby mother sits in the english two singing what is even the point of public school well honey you've got a lot to think about again an itty bitty town in the seventh eleven lane the houses are brown and the skies are grey and i sit at night whittling my holy word around just stick to your guns stick them down in the sand as you hear the cheers of the boat band without a friend stick to your guns realize we’re nothing anyways you and me are meaningless yes you and me meaningless oh lord just stick to your guns stick them down in the sand as you hear the cheers of the boat band without a friend just stick to your guns make sure you’re free on doomsday because you and me are meaningless you and me
8.
i sat down and turned on my phone like usual and i came to the conclusion that i was not loved the signs were all there but i was too naive and hoped for some mercy from up above but when i waited months and months and nothing came my belief started a steady decline and the sound of the tv overpowered the air and that light in my head ceased to shine everyone else seemed so oblivious but that just made me more paranoid it's all an act, that's what i told myself so then i consciously began to avoid the very people that told me anything was possible that i'd go far and they would buy my sound but i waited months and months and nothing came and i was too scared to ask around i guess it's a good thing because they inspired me to write this even though i need to lie to them now but that's what i've been put through all my life and this is my karma somehow and i walk on the road, look at the grass on the sides somewhere in the world it's just about the time to think about things and promptly gather my mind because it's about the sudden stop, it's not about the decline don't look at me i'm not ready don't talk to me i might break don't say anything it hurts me don't do anything that would take effort please look at me i'm trying so hard please talk to me i'm in need please say something i'm going crazy please do something it's not me it's not me, that's not you who is who, i'm so confused i look in the mirror and the glass looks back my sight is broken in this static attack please don't leave me here please don't not invite me even if i can't come i'd appreciate it please don't don't please please do don't i'm sitting on the couch and it's 1:14 maybe this is one of my turns it seems the wall seems to be closing on me my virtual friends would probably agree sitting here reading mindless shit about barbeques and feeding drugs to different rodents for science maybe i should have went the path 1st grade me used with that microscope and lab coat and the brain that i had had is the word that i'm focusing on remember the friends the friends that i had maybe i rely on people too much and too much is bad and that's a factor in why i'm always sad i'm rhyming like a damn troglodyte maybe i shouldn't rhyme the words at all maybe i just shouldn't talk at all but that was a rhyme, but that doesn't really count don't look at me i'm not ready don't talk to me i might break don't say anything it hurts me don't do anything that would take effort please look at me i'm trying so hard please talk to me i'm in need please say something i'm going crazy please do something it's not me please do something. anything. please. i said the magic word and nothing happened i said the magic word and nothing happened i said the magic word and nothing happened i said the magic word and nothing happened magic isn't real i'm not real you're not real i'm trying to be real i'm not trying that hard though i'm trying so hard though you're not trying at all though i'm not trying at all though i don't understand why people want to be animals it seems like a childish thing to do but i just remembered i'm writing a song about my sadness so that probably beats it out by a little it's right at this moment i see how pathetic this is and how pathetic you are and how pathetic i am and i'm being such an annoying teenager holy shit go read a book you idiot i used to think being self aware was cool and funny but in reality it's really taxing to hear a grown man or a small boy talk about how he's not smart but he is it's not ironic or entertaining different strokes for different folks coherency is out the window mindless rants oh yeah!!! you can go to school today and you can get a job later you can punch into your job and you can go to the movies later you can go see a movie and you can think about life later you can think of anything you want hopefully never later please look at me i've stopped trying please talk to me or don't if you don't want please say something i'll be here if you do i'll always be here except when i'm not but when am i ever not
9.
Werewolf 06:33
and ill go as far as i can to say to you how i feel but where does the lie end i can’t try to call your bluff and you say that it’ll be over soon my mind is gone now check back in a while and i’ll go to the cliff and throw myself completely off and i know where my bridge is but its too thin to cross but it’s so horrifying when you live with a monster a werewolf hyde figure when the moon is out and you say that it’ll be over soon but if my mind’s gone now what will it be like later a pile of garbage stacked around the room can’t see the floor i dream of days that werewolf walks out my front door aaaaaaaooooooooooooooooooooo but i guess it’s all i’ll ever know the cliff’s right in front of me but i’m too scared to fall
10.
and ill go as far as i can to say to you how i feel but where does the lie end i can’t try to call your bluff and you say that it’ll be over soon my mind is gone now check back in a while and i’ll go to the cliff and throw myself completely off and i know where my bridge is but its too thin to cross but it’s so horrifying when you live with a monster a werewolf hyde figure when the moon is out and you say that it’ll be over soon but if my mind’s gone now what will it be like later a pile of garbage stacked around the room can’t see the floor i dream of days that werewolf walks out my front door aaaaaaaooooooooooooooooooooo but i guess it’s all i’ll ever know the cliff’s right in front of me but i’m too scared to fall
11.
try to save it but it doesn't come off the rug try to build a wall that is high enough it's all boiling over, all boiling over try to save your house, try to save your songs try to run but it follows you up a hill it's all boiling over, all boiling over your loved ones, your loved ones a normal conversation, a normal conversation you should have took me out when you had the chance you should have took me out when you had the chance all the rooms renumbered losers turn away don't turn away, don't turn away

about

this is an album about me. or rather not about me. but about people very close to me and around me. but also me.

i wrote this album over the course of september 2018-january 2019. i recorded this album sporadically with most of the recording being done in late december/early january. one of the songs on this album was mostly done in july though. i got through many many bouts of writers block to bring this album to you, so i hope you may appreciate it.

there are no synthesizers on this album. mostly because i am not in possession of my midi controller at the moment, but also because i wrote every single one of these songs on a guitar and i don't feel that there is a necessity for a synthesizer on any of these tracks. there is no sequencing. there is no quantization. the drum sample on track5 is a frankensample of my real drums reversed and fucked and glitched out.

i think thats enough for me here. click "info" on each of the tracks if you want to learn more about the individual songs.

credits

released February 22, 2019

all songs written by ben coates

ben coates - drums, bass, guitars, synths, sampling, arrangements, mixing, mastering, studio engineering... do you get it at this point?

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Harborer Canton, Ohio

-ben coates
-matthew ryan
-bryce snodgrass

we are three young fellows from ohio that make music that we enjoy and we hope you do, too. everything you hear was done in our basement.

for updates on things follow @hrbrer on instagram and twitter aka click those links below
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